to pee or not to pee

i pee a lot.

it's not a health condition or a problem. it's just who i am. as a result, i'm tuned in to the functioning of my apartment's toilet and, thus, i realized immediately that something was wrong when the flush cycle ran longer than usual yesterday afternoon.

peering into the tank, i noticed the flush ball had almost completely broken off from the arm. with the buoy-as-balance-as-water-level-indicator idea shot, this resulted in the water continuing to run at an excessive rate. using making tape, i jimmied the arm up, took some photos for the hardware store, and realized i 1). knew nothing about toilet parts or reconstruction and 2). could be in a very sad, lonely place if this toilet was out of commission for more than, well, an hour.

the man at the hardware store hardly glanced at my artfully taken toilet shots before announcing, "well you need all new guts." i assumed he was talking about the toilet and not me, accepted the packaged guts into my open hand, and rode home wondering if 9-step instructions could possibly detail what to do with all the parts included in this kit.

returning home i weighed my options. my list of home-repair is not too lengthy. i've doctored up a scratch on my car, unclogged a shower drain, and fixed a running toilet by discovering the screw in the fill valve was a litte loose. and while i can boast installing my bed, dresser drawers, coffee table, and bookshelf single-handedly, none of that involves massive amounts of running water that could potentially flood my apartment and the two below me.

long story short, my landlord returned my call late last night and it was decided his father would come fix it around 10 am. (it's now 11:24...) in the meantime i've discovered the multiple ways we can continue to use our porcelain appliance while still avoiding the irritating, wasteful running water issue. i detail it in a note i left for my roommate:

Hi There--

You've got 3 choices:

1). Pretend the toilet is a chamber pot-- touch nothing (except ass to seat) use it, and i'll take care of it in the morning. Please don't poop with this option.

2). Use it like a normal:
A). Right now the water is OFF, so toilet doesn't run and waste water.
B). So, first do your business. easy.
C). Look at toilet-- down by floor on the left is a silver knob. Turn it to the left (you'll quickly hear the water start running.) Turn about 4 or 5 times or until you see white tube showing.
D). Flush toilet like normal. Wait for water in tank to refill. (Might have to help the big ball rise to top by gently pulling up on the arm it's connected to.)
E). When tank is full, go down to silver knob, turn opposite way as before until water stops running.

3). Put on your shoes. Cross street. Use Port-a-Potty. (i.e. "The Homeless Option.")