a conversation of two luddites

me: just got the matt and kim. baller.

Tegan: what?? the new one?

me: yeeeeea

Tegan: i neeeeeeeeeeds

me: what. no. you have it. what? is there a newer one?

Tegan: i dont have it digital though

me: ooh.

Tegan: which means i cant listen on the bike. you are talking about grand right?

me: yeah. we did it this super cool way. i'll email you instructions.

Tegan: ok

me: this is sort of going to be like a scavenger hunt. but it's worth it

Tegan: ok

--email sent--
me: alright. see if you can do it. i probably explained it incorrectly but hopefully not

Tegan: i love the stuffer

me: oh me too

Tegan: smash smash smash

Tegan: ok so its got a little folder that says the unarchiver on my desktop. do i just go and click click on steves thingy

me: well is the unarchiver an icon yet on your desktop?

Tegan: which link there are two?

me: okay, so the stuffit thing has run?

Tegan: yeah its like a manila envelop or some shit

me: cool. okay yeah now click on steve's link

Tegan: which one there is a short one and longer one that says indubitably

me: the longer one

me: how's that working?

Tegan: good good

my compy just slow as hell

magnolia in the wind

does your pulchritude
lie in your fragile bloom or
its fierce destruction?

snail mail

there's something about getting real, enveloped, post-marked mail that makes my day. (the "real" qualifying it as something from a person not a company.) in a time when almost anything can be emailed, texted, phoned, or faxed--to think that someone took the time to figure out your address, to obtain the right size envelope, and to discover what the hell a postage stamp is now worth, well...people typically don't take that time anymore.

today i got real mail delivered to my home, through our mail slot by our postwoman, and it made my day. who cares what was inside. and to thank the sender, i'm going to send them something in return.

because heaven knows it takes about 1000 times as long to get something sent out through the chicago postal service than it does to post on someone's facebook wall.

ps. if you also find receiving mail a thrill then leave your address in the comments. i can't promise what you when you'll get something via usps, but i can promise.

here comes monday

at work, i endure the joy of being the recipient of 3 generic email addresses, in addition to my personal work email. below is a particularly great email i received. after reading it, i sat for a moment, truly dumbfounded. all i can say is, fail. on so many levels. fail.


Email Sent 4/3/2009 12:30:57 PM

A visitor to the ALA Online Store filled out your feedback form. Below you will find their contact information and inquiry.
------------------------------

Subject: Failed Book Purchase
Name: MW
Email Address: (omitted to protect the idiot)

Visitor Comment:
I received in the mail a book I had tried to order through the ALA store. The ordering online process failed and I am returning the book.Storytime Magic. I would like to have my credit card purchase for the book corrected.

waiting, watching, wondering

my absolute, all-time, favorite seat on the train is the single seat positioned perpendicular to the window in the middle of the car. this seat allows for maximum city-seeing with minimal interference.

in the morning, however, i'm happy to take any seat i can get. today i was in one of the two seats that faces two more seats directly across the aisle. to my left was a man in a suit and probably his early 30s. across from me was a girl about my age who had gotten on at southport.

at north & clybourn, our forced quartet was completed as a man sat down in the last remaining spot. at first glance i assumed this man to be some bad-ass bike messenger. he had a small frame and not an ounce of fat. i'm pretty sure he had more muscle in his skinny right calf than i do in my whole body. he had a shaved head and donned thick, leather workboots, a bulky brown vest, and sunglasses. the train sped towards clark & division, and i watched him. i was staring, but i couldn't help it. and the more i observed the more i wondered if my initial impression was incorrect.

was that chipped, red fingernail polish on his pinky or dried blood? through his lightly tinted sunglasses i could see his eyes darting around the train car--not settling on anyone or anything, refusing to rest.

was that toothbrush in his sleeve pocket a means to keep his bike free of mud and rust? or was it used every morning with toothpaste? as the girl next to him readjusted, he quickly moved the arm closest to her in a manner suggesting he wanted nothing to do with personal contact.

was that leather belt and piece of coated wire tied around the loop in his vest a bike messenger's talisman or a homeless man's morning find? i had my earphones in, but his lips formed sentenced- length shapes. whether a silent voicing of internal thoughts or casual conversation to his seatmate, however, i couldn't tell.

was that deep dent in the upper part of his forehead a part of the natural, uneven topography every skull displays? or was it the reason he was now repeatedly banging his right elbow into the partition separating the exit and the aisle? was he pumping himself up for a long day of riding, or preparing to jump off the train and beat someone down?

as the train pulled into chicago & state, i stood to exit the train. he remained seated but raised his arms straight up in front of him and held them there. was this gesture a silent request for me to take his bony hands and help him to his feet?
or was he pretending to be a zombie?

was nice to know you

i frequently catch the cat drinking out of water glasses, and have relayed this to my parents who scoff in disbelief. tonight, she shoved her face into my glass. as i was on my computer, i decided to get a picture for proof.

you would think that after going so far as to take a picture of the act i would remember, 15 minutes later, that the cat--the cat who drools nasty mucus, the cat who has horrible smelling breath, the cat who drinks out of the toilet--had drank my water.


you would think.
but i didn't think.
and i just drank the rest of the water.

i hate myself.

why?

i was recently asked why i keep a blog and responded with a vague, bumbling response.
this quote, which i came upon today, elucidates my reason.

"Creating your own blog is about as easy as creating your own urine, and you're about as likely to find someone else interested in it." -- Lore Sjöberg

i do it for me.

today's theme is

papercuts.
responses?

because

1. because tiny is tinier than tin.
2. because he told him not to touch it.
3. because i kick and nothing happens.
4. because sometimes the leaves are green and sometimes they're brown.
5. because i never said that.
6. because i've said it a hundred times.
7. because shellfish makes her throat close.
8. because your mother was a whore.
9. because no one said it would be fun.
10. because we got a seat on the train.
11. because both beds were taken and someone had puked on the couch.
12. because broccoli is my favorite vegetable.
13. because it got bit off.
14. because the book was brand new.
15. because i couldn't fold it properly.
16. because once bit twice shy.
17. because it's cliché.
18. because you can spell it with or without an e.
19. because he sent me a letter.
20. because of you.
21. because everything's been bought and sold.
22. because the p is silent.
23. because she wanted to be a secret agent.
24. because he told her that if he didn't love her so much he'd hate her.
25. because they were blessed.
26. because she slept too late, and missed the call.
27. because it's a disco.
28. because you don't know what the button does.
29. because he woke up wearing socks.
30. because i hate all caps.
31. because mix tapes.
32. because mixed drinks.
33. because it was password protected with the names of various mythical creatures.
34. because "i don't know" was the wrong answer.
35. because the therapist was actually an actor.
36. because she sneezed and a peanut came out.
37. because new mexico city isn't the capital of new mexico.
38. because brackets became popular.
39. 'cuz i don't got no money.
40. because post options.
41. because some verbs are nouns.
42. because a buzz filled the ears.
43. because he was a buzz kill.
44. because the killer bee buzzed.
45. because i ain't never seen no buzzard.
46. because the french use double negatives.
47. because i felt a chill in june.
48. because she heard footsteps.
49. because liquid expands to fill a container.
50. because everyone does the best they can?

life is hard. on a scale of 1 to 10, it's a 10.

i have come to depend on two kinds of people. those with orange tongues and those with orange hair.